All teenagers make mistakes. It’s part of growing up and getting smarter.
For example, a few months ago I asked my two teenagers to build a simple bookcase. I gave them the directions and tools and left them to build it. An hour later they came up and announced they had finished. And they were pretty proud of themselves! I went to check out their work and was pretty impressed too until I realized they had placed a piece in wrong. The back piece was unfortunateIy nailed to the front. I gently pointed it out, went over the directions with them to see where they had gone wrong and we figured out how to fix it. We now have a totally functional bookcase that has nail holes along the front of it from the mistake. Every time I see it I smile because it reminds me of a mistake that they made but ultimately learned from.
It’s important for your teenager to be able to bounce back from making a mistake. It’s a skill that will serve them well for their whole life. Here are four things you can say to them that will help.
First, tell them that it’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes. In fact, once they mess up they are officially part of the biggest club on earth because everyone alive has made a mistake. It’s part of what makes us human and it’s fine.
Next, point out that mistakes are learning experiences and can help them grow. Most of us learn best by trying and failing, learning from our failure, and then trying again. Growth is often gained quickest through the hardest times.
Third, help your teenager learn that there are often ways to minimize the effects of their mistakes or to make the situation better. There is no need to throw in the towel when something goes wrong. Instead, evaluate if there is a way to minimize the damage. If the mistake involved another person things can usually be set right with a few kind words or a sincere apology.
Finally, make sure your teenager knows that you love them even when they make a mistake. There is nothing they can do to make them unworthy or unlovable. You are always in their corner!
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